Awwww!!!!

Apparently, someone out there misses me!!! I know it has been a while, and I have no excuses for not having written in so long. So here I am, in a situation where I am considering moving out of my apartment, which is one female roommate short of a brothel, into my own place. Being that this is Manhattan, however, I can barely afford to live in a closet. At least this search has provided some comic relief. In my searches on Craig's List and various real estate sites, I have noticed some interesting expressions used to describe New York City apartments. I can only speculate the true meaning of these terms:

1. "Cozy"= size if a shoebox
2. "Cute"= smaller than a shoebox
3. "Charming"= unique scent that can't be gotten rid of
4. "Character"= previous tenant left a ratty old chair
(Notice all the C's? Doesn't mean anything)
5. "Exposed brick!!!!"= nobody bothered to build a real wall!!!
6. "Decorative fireplace"= light a fire in there, and all tenants will die from carbon monoxide poisoning
7. "$800 1 br on Upper East Side!" = this place is in Harlem